Week 1
In the days of political chaos, when the faithful hat wearers found themselves surrounded by a sea of division, despair, and “very fake news,” a great leader arose. His hair shone like the morning sun, golden and unyielding, a beacon of light for the weary. This man, chosen by forces beyond our understanding, stood at the shores of what many called the Red Sea. Not red with water, mind you, but with the banners and hats of the faithful, who had gathered in hope, waiting for deliverance from the flood of negativity that threatened to engulf them.
Trump, with a voice as commanding as a rally chant, raised his hand—perfectly manicured, of course—and declared, “Fear not, my people! For I shall part these waters of division and lead you to greatness. Nobody parts seas better than I do. Believe me, everyone says so.” And with a sweep of his arm that could rival the best golf swing, the waters began to tremble. Some said it was the sheer force of his confidence; others whispered of divine intervention. But whatever the reason, the seas began to part, revealing a path paved in golden light, wide enough for all the faithful to walk through comfortably.
As they marched forward, chanting “Make America Great Again!”, the waves stood tall on either side, like walls of glass. There, etched in the water, were the faces of doubters, critics, and “haters,” frozen in disbelief as the faithful strode forward. Trump, walking ahead in his finest suit (tailored, of course), occasionally paused to admire the reflections. “Look at this,” he said, gesturing toward the shimmering walls. “This is the greatest sea parting in history. Nobody’s ever seen anything like it.”
When they reached the other shore, the people erupted in cheers, raising their hats to the heavens. Trump turned to address his followers, his voice booming like the roar of a thousand rallies. “Let this be a lesson,” he declared, “when you believe in greatness, nothing can stop you—not the waves, not the doubters, and certainly not the haters. Together, we will march forward, and the seas will always part for those who believe!” And so, the hat wearers built an altar of commemorative candles, their flames lighting the night as they celebrated the greatest MAGA miracle the world had ever seen.